Jerry Davich
Metro columnist
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"Tis the season."
This traditional Christmastime phrase typically continues with "to be jolly" and all the fa-la-la-la-la you can ask for. However, the holiday season also is notorious for being the darkest time of year, emotionally, for many people.
"I know I should be merry and all that, but I'm just not feeling it," Roberta S. said. "Worse yet, I feel guilty for not feeling happy at Christmas."
She's the latest of a few readers who've contacted me this month with the same seasonal illusion: Everyone else is happy during the holidays.
This isn't true, of course, but it can appear that way. We're expected to be continually joyous, not occasionally joyless. Some holiday seasons, though, seem cloudier than others with not enough sunlight to warm the soul.
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Shorter daylight hours, holiday stress, unrealistic expectations, family obligations, and the crass commercialism of Christmas can worsen depression and trigger anxiety. So can the feeling of alienation or disconnectedness from loved ones.
"My husband of 53 years passed away in 2018. Since then, I have not put up a tree, strung lights or sent Christmas cards," an older woman wrote to me in response to my column on Christmas traditions. "It seems like when a spouse passes, the one who is left behind is forgotten."
Such loneliness or heartache intensifies when the world is supposed to feel all holly and jolly.
For some people, the holidays remind them just how disconnected they are from all the overly-hyped "merriment" in life. Look no further than social media and the endless photos of shiny, happy people enjoying themselves.
"That's why I stopped using Facebook until after New Year's Day," a woman told another patient as they waited to see a doctor in a Chesterton medical office. "Not everyone is living their best life at this time of year."
Her waiting room confession caught my attention. Not everyone is living their best life, and Christmastime can expose this feeling of abandonment, lost glory days, or lingering gloom.
Years ago, I interviewed a middle-aged man who told me when he was a child, his parents spoiled him with "too much stuff but not enough affection." It resonated with me because he said it during the holidays.
That interview prompted me to draw a cartoon of a boy sitting on Santa's lap, holding a stack of gifts but asking for only a hug. I wonder how many adults would trade all the stuff in their home for a few hugs.
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This is what compelled me to write today's column. During the darkest time of year, figuratively and literally, we need public dialogue, not public denial. Or secretive shame.
If you're feeling the "holiday blues," you need to know that you're not alone. Such melancholy is being experienced by countless others who also feel isolated from society or from their family and friends.
For others, with Christmas just a week away, now is the time to lend your hand, bend your ear, invite that person to dinner, or simply ask how they're doing. Look around. It's not too hard to find these people if you try. During this season with a reason, what better gift can you give someone than the gift of giving a damn?
What's your word of the year?
Merriam-Webster announced its 2024 Word of the Year and, unlike in previous years, I agree with it 100%. The word is "polarization."
It's defined as "division into two sharply distinct opposites; especially a state in which the opinions, beliefs, or interests of a group or society no longer range along a continuum but become concentrated at opposing extremes."
Yep, this certainly defines the divided states of America.
"Polarization was widely used to describe America in 2024," said Merriam-Webster President Greg Barlow. "Ironically, it's a concept that is shared by both sides of the political divide."
The "lookup" volume of polarization on Merriam-Webster.com throughout this year reflected the desire of Americans to better understand the complex state of affairs in our country and around the world, the company explained.
I'm not sure if Americans had a desire to better understand things as much as to defend their political slant by any means necessary.
The annual competition celebrates recently created words or expressions that symbolize a period of time, while also having potential as a term of lasting cultural significance or providing a snapshot of social history.
My personal criteria each year is different, based more on the weight and context of certain words and less on their cultural popularity and online usage. For example, in 2020 my word was "hugs" because our world experienced a devastating void of hugging due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
In 2021, my Word of the Year was "chaos," not vaccine or "vax" as The Oxford English Dictionary chose. The word for 2022 was "gaslighting," the act or practice of grossly misleading someone especially for one's own advantage. This could definitely be the word again for 2024.
Another word also stood out in the dictionary's 2024 data: Democracy, as Americans from red states and blue states looked up this word -- which never appears in the Declaration of Independence or Constitution -- to better understand an idea they wanted to celebrate, critique, or defend.
Democracy and polarization go together like Democrats and Republicans, I say.
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Contact Jerry at [email protected]. Find him on Facebook and other socials. Opinions are those of the writer.
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Metro columnist
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