The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. If you've ever been on the internet, you've heard of red flags. These are signs you need to find ways to correct or run while you can. Therapists and coaches talk about red flags and signs you should walk away from a relationship.
However, for people who have experienced trauma, those who have never been in a relationship before, and those who have been in unhealthy relationships in the past, it can be a challenge to identify healthy relationships in a relationship.
These are the less talked about healthy habits in a relationship. While a red flag means stop, a green flag means go. These are the qualities you want your partner to have.
Even if you know what green flags are, it is not out of the ordinary for people to lose sight of those after a relationship full of red flags. If you've ever been with a narcissist, you know what I mean.
So to help everyone know what to look for, I'm listing 10 green flags you want to have in a relationship. This list is not exhaustive, but if your partner displays these signs, it indicates they are capable of a long-term healthy relationship.
Don't get me wrong. Genuine relationships are not Disney princess movies or scenes out of a rom-com. Yes, they have their moments.
But most of your relationship is not going to look that way. So, if you can be your goofiest and most awkward self possible, and it doesn't send him running for the hills (or even better if he encourages it), you've got yourself a green flag.
You should be able to be your full self and feel comfortable in your skin around your partner. It would help if you did not have to put on an act or pretend to be someone you're not to win them over.
A big red flag is your partner becoming possessive and discouraging any friendships or connections apart from them.
So, if your partner encourages and supports your friendships and connections apart from them - that is a green flag.
A good partner knows that you had friends and other bonds before they came into the picture, and they don't expect you to cut all ties with other people just because you are with them now.
A common red flag is trying to win rather than resolve the argument. Partners who name-call, play the blame game or attempt to gaslight you into agreeing with them are red flags.
Conversely, if your partner validates you by actively listening to what you have to say and attempting to understand your perspective, even if they disagree with you, that is a green flag.
Partners who can never admit they are wrong and engage in stonewalling, avoidant behaviors, or manipulation tactics to avoid taking personal responsibility and accountability for their actions are major red flags.
On the other hand, partners willing to own up to their mistakes and give you authentic apologies when you deserve them show maturity and trustworthiness - a green flag for sure.
A partner who never considers your feelings is a red flag. If your partner tends to do things for you just out of appreciation without an expectation of reciprocation, that is a green flag.
Maybe they did the dishes while you were sick, even though it was your turn. Perhaps they leave you love notes throughout the house, where you might randomly come across them days later.
Partners who do things for you without you asking and expecting anything in return genuinely appreciate you. That's a good sign they are a keeper.
A green flag in a partner shows their care and attentiveness. This can look like:
If your partner pays attention to the little things you like, that is a good sign of a happy and healthy relationship in your future.
If you and your partner can have a fight yesterday and then playfully tease each other about it, that's a good sign that you two can move past conflict without resentment toward each other.
Being able to connect over fights and not hold grudges shows the ability not to allow conflict to impact the relationship negatively - this is a green flag. This means that even in a conflict, you two will come back together as a team.
What I mean here is that if just the presence of your partner is a grounding experience, that is a green flag.
This shows you feel safe and secure around your partner, seeing your partner as an anchor and a source of stability in your life.
If you can find comfort and happiness just by sitting next to your partner, without saying a word to each other, that is a green flag.
Having that level of peace and contentment with your partner is a good sign the relationship is healthy.
If your partner is the kind of person who consistently keeps their promises, does favors for you when you ask, and demonstrates qualities of strong character, you have got a green flag.
Strong morals and values can be hard to find. So, lock down the partner who is willing to correct the cashier when the cashier accidentally gives them too much change back.