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- Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.

- She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date."

- Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.

- Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.

- Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.

- Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.

- Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.

- Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.